Today I will dedicate the Entry to the Topic Friendship and also losing Friends.
Both sides of the Coin.
Lately I think a lot about my Future and about the people that had been following me, for a more or less long time in my Life; and also about the fact, that I simply can’t let go of some people that I lost along the Way.
I think everyone of us has that: One or two friends that have been at your Side since you were a little Child, or at least a Teenager (yeah I talk now as if I were already 80 or something, I know xD) and even if you sometimes act way too selfish, you know that deep inside they will never leave you. You are connected to those people – mentally, physically…
They know you so much better than anyone else, and if you ever need an honest opinion, you don’t even have to ask, ‘because they tell you already before you can open your Mouth.
They’re more than just friends; they’re like Soul mates or a lost Brother or Sister…
Then there are those people who you meet for drinking or meet for talking about the daily things. They don’t REALLY know you, but they accompany you, when you need company. And that’s what makes you like them.
You may have more or less close or not so close Friends, Buddies, however.
- You don’t have the feeling to be alone, because you know someone is always beside you.
Sometimes you argue with those people… mainly those things can be fixed, but sometimes the differences between you and your friend become so huge, that you distance too much to ever be friends again.
Unfortunately that is what happened to me lately.
I would have all reason to hate that person, but in a very short time that person conquered my Heart… and even if most of the time I show only contempt for what was said and done, at some days I stare to my wall with our Photos… That aren’t even past, since so long… and yet those happy Moments seem a whole Life away.
I must admit that I am a very open person. A naive person.
If you handle me nicely, I open up for you very fast and easily and you win me as a friend.
That doesn’t mean I would directly die for you, but it means you have me at your Side…
I’m pretty egoistic though, as already mentioned… so don’t expect me to call you first. I will be waiting for your call! Anyway, if you pay me some attention, we won’t lose each other, that’s sure, and maybe, when you have found a place in my Heart, I will even be the one to ask how you are doing.
Because of my very open way of handling people and not having anything to hide about my own Life (otherwise I wouldn’t write Blog) it’s easy for many people to trust me.
I show them myself, without any “make up” or a “mask” that hides my true self.
I show them my ugly and nice faces.
And they can love me or hate me for this, and get a picture of me before they can decide to open or not open up for me, as well.
But being so open, makes it easy to hurt me. I trust in people way too easily and although my past taught me that trusting too fast is bad, I do that mistake over and over again.
I’m pretty sensitive… and I hang onto the people or things that have a meaning to me…
That is why although I lost many people along my Way of Life, I could never totally abandon anyone or leave him or her out of my Life. Never ever.
I will always be regretting what I did or said and even if it wasn’t my fault, deep inside I will be begging for forgiveness forever.
I need people at my Side, like I need Air to breathe and I guess many people wouldn’t mind a lot if one of those “drinking Buddies” I mentioned up there would leave their lives, but I even feel bad for losing “drinking Buddies”.
Actually I have reached a point in my Life where distance plays an important Role.
I have been living in sort of “two worlds” (my Spanish and my German one) since a while already, but since I left High school those two worlds separate even more from each other and also the German people have a certain distance from me, because I simply lock up at home a lot and we all are pretty busy with working, planning our future, etc.
I’m wondering if I will keep those people who have a meaning to me at the moment, in my Life forever.
I’m wondering in which of my two worlds I will be living in future and all in all how it will turn out.
My biggest wish is that I can unite those worlds somehow and don’t have to lose any friend ever again, no matter for which good or stupid reason.
I want to protect everything and everyone that is precious to me!
Losing someone hurts… and letting go is impossible for me: My past is always haunting me.
So all I can do is be thankful, so damn thankful for all those wonderful and unique people I have in my Life and hope that they take me as the person I am, forever.
That they won’t stop being at my Side, even if I make many mistakes and are far away from being perfect…
I am so happy about everyone. No matter if you come from Germany, Spain, South America, France or any of all the other countries I didn’t mention.
I don’t care which language you speak, how old you are, if you are musician, or a “normal person” – I know deep inside I am connected to every one of you.
Our language is friendship and there is a bond between each of us, no matter how big the Distance may be.
I will continue my Way hoping, that I will be able to walk with each of you forever together.
I don’t ever want to lose anyone again, because I know even if our bond brakes, I keep my part of that bond forever and painfully it will always remind me of what once was, and isn’t anymore.
I have been celebrating my Birthday with my German Friends for many Years now, and even if I’m sure they will be missing me and somehow also angry they can’t celebrate with me, they also understand how happy I am to be able to celebrate my 20th Birthday together with my Spanish people.
I can’t put into words how much I long for those Days, neither can I say how happy I am that this time so many people from all over Spain try to make it to Madrid only to see Me.
That unimportant, tonta German girl, who seems to have found a place in those people’s hearts and who is so proud of that fact.
Maybe it will be forever a balancing act in my Life to unite my two worlds, but I love both worlds, love all people that are included into them and I am not willing to let go of anyone.
Why do I always write whole books and in the end it is nothing but repeating myself over and over again? Ôo I don’t know... I guess I would need a limit on this writing thing here! XD
Anyway, friendship simply is the most important thing in my Life, and I guess not only in mine.
Friends are the family that you choose.
Everyone should take care of that chosen family, losing a member is like losing a part of your own Heart…
I finish the Entry with Lyrics of a Song that suit very good to the person that I lost and why I lost them.
When that person ever comes across this blog it’ll be obvious I’m addressing THIS person and no one else… but anyway… I need to let go. I need to end this Chapter of my Life and I hope I can do so, by writing this Blog.
All the Lines you wrote
All the Words you spoke are here
- It helps
Every Part of her
Every drop of every Tear
She smiles:
This is what you wanted
This is what you’d prayed for every Day
This is what you wanted
This is what you needed them to say
And you’re just so tired
But his Life’s just getting in the Way
This is what you wanted
And there’s nothing else to do today
You can’t get out of Bed
There’s nothing left to break the Fall
- It’s too long
You can’t forget the Sound
They switch to black and white and draw
What’s gone
And you can’t go back again…
And now you have to go back Home
To face the World alone…
God only knows
How you sleep at Night
God only knows
How you face the Light
(Mesh – This is what you Wanted)
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